Parent Question: I’m a parent of a middle schooler, and I’m starting to worry about vaping. I’ve heard that teens are using all kinds of devices, some with nicotine, some with cannabis and many of them don’t even look like traditional vapes. I want to talk to my child about it, but I’m afraid of sounding judgmental or pushing them away.
How can I start an honest, open conversation about vaping without making my teen shut down or feel like they’re in trouble?
Great question – having important conversations while staying connected to our teens can be tricky. Kids who know what their parents’ expectations/rules are around substance use are more likely to make safer choices. The most important thing you can do is to talk openly with your kids. Think of this as part of an ongoing conversation about personal health you’ve been having since you taught them to brush their teeth. Brief and regular conversations about substance use are better than one big lecture.
Developmentally, teens are focused on their belonging among their peers and focus more on possible positive outcomes of risky behavior (impressing peers) than on possible negative outcomes (addiction/negative health impacts). This helps parents understand that resisting peer pressure is particularly difficult for teens!
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Get prepared – talk to parents of older kids about how they handled this, research the health impacts of vaping (bad for developing lungs/brains, negative impacts on mood, attention span). There are great resources out there so you can know the facts and share them with your child – we’ve included some below.
Choose your focus. Do you want to have a general “here’s what you should know” conversation or do you know they are vaping and you want to focus on quitting? You might also choose to focus on correcting any misinformation they have shared with you.
Wait for the right moment. The topic might come up organically. You pass someone vaping on the street, you see someone vaping in something you watch together. It feels more authentic when the conversation is tied to a shared experience. Or you can give them a little notice, tell them you’d like to talk about vaping/substance use and let them know when. Some kids appreciate having a little notice about important conversations.
Consider your/other family members’ relationship to substance use and what is being modelled. If you vape, your kid may be more likely to experiment with vaping. You can share your personal experience with substance use and why you hope they will preserve their health and choose not to vape.
Avoid assumptions – lean into curiosity about what your kid knows, thinks, and has experienced. Ask questions like “have you ever felt pressured to vape” or “do you know what’s in vapes?” Allow space for them to share their experiences, thoughts, and questions.
Communicate what you expect and what the rules are in your family. Kids really do want to meet their parents’ expectations so it is important for them to know what they are!
Keep it short. When you notice your kid retreating from the conversation, wrap it up. Be aware of your tone, body language, and other non-verbal communication.
Let them know that one of your roles as their parent is to care about their safety and health both in the short and long term, and to give them solid information about the impacts of certain choices on their overall wellbeing. You’ve got this!
If you’re a youth or parent with a question, visit our Ask A Therapist page and submit a question.
Helpful Resources:
- American Lung Association guidance on facts about vaping and talking with teens about vaping: https://www.lung.org/quit-smoking/helping-teens-quit/talk-about-vaping/vaping-facts#what-is-vaping
- Statistics about teen nicotine use in Washington state: https://washingtonbreathes.org/priorities/support-healthy-youth/#HYS
Other resources for parents:
- https://www.letstalkvaping.com/talking-to-teens
- https://www.tobaccofreekids.org/protectkids/resources-for-parents/tips-on-talking-to-your-kids
- https://www.health.gov.au/sites/default/files/2024-10/youth-vaping-conversation-guide-for-parents-and-carers.pdf
Author: Helen Burke, LMHC, Clinical Supervisor, Bainbridge Youth Services